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February 28, 2006
What, You Were Expecting A Quilting Bee?
"Alpha Gamma Rho is all about integrity and decency" and goat fucking. Over at the Western Kentucky University chapter two weeks ago, amidst the run-of-the-mill homosexual antics fraternities are chock full of, bestiality put it a guest appearance: a noise complaint resulted in the discovery of a goat (a he-goat, if you care) kept in a closet, mired in its own excrement for the purpose of what fraternity men love to do most in small, dark, excrement-filled spaces.
Further support for my extremely complex theory of human sexuality-- sometimes called the "men stick their penises anywhere they think they'll fit" school of thought-- comes from yet another goat-related news item. It seems a Sudanese man, has not only fucked a goat but also taken the cloven-hooved beast as his bride:
Upper Nile: Tombe, a Sudanese man, has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Alifi, said he was surprised to find the man with his goat, and took him to a council of elders.
Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February, and immediately rushed outside to find Tombe conjugating with his goat.
"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".
Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.
"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.
The council also ordered Tombe to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars (about Rs 3,000) to Alifi, whom the considered the “father of the bride"."We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are ill together," Alifi said.
Those elders went all Pee-Wee Herman on his ass. Like, "If you love that goat so much, why don't you just marry it?"
Ah, how wise the elders are in their infinite elderly patriamalarchy. The punishment must fit the crime and teach a lesson. Look now, what you're doing here-- now, we save it for the ladies. Got it, bud? If you're raping this animal, that means to me you think she is a woman. As long as you insist on pretending that sheep is your fiancee, I guess we'll all just have to see that you get married. Right away. That's right. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you use someone's sheep like a dirty woman again.
But have fun on the honeymoon!
Posted by hissycat at February 28, 2006 07:19 AM