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December 15, 2005
Power Of The Purse
Me: Mom?
Mom: Huh?
Me: Did you book my return flight? Remember, like I asked? I want to fly back to SF before New Year's.
Mom: I can't talk about this now. I'm working.
Me: I can hear the TV.
Mom: I'm with the boys at the group home.
Me: Why are you whispering? Don't you think they've figured out where they are? Also, the TV is really, really loud. Well, is it alright if I go ahead and book my ticket then? I'm worried they'll fill up or the prices will bump or something.
Mom: No. We're watching a video called R. Kelly is In The Closet. Normally, I don't care for R. Kelly, but--
Me: Uh, yeah, I think I heard of that.
Mom: You'd like it!
Me: So, I need to get a return ticket, right?
Mom: Your father and I just want to see you first and make sure you are, you know, alright.
Me: Can't you do that with a return ticket?
Mom: You had us very, you know, worried.
Me: I'm sorry.
Mom: I don't want you to be sorry.
Me: Ok, well I'm still going to need to go back to California I don't see what the point of not buying a ticket is.
Mom: I'm serious, Joanna, I can't talk about this now. I'll be home in two hours.
Me: Fine.
Ten minutes later.
Me: Mom?
Mom: Yeah?
Me: I just have one more question for you, I'll make it snappy.
Mom: Ok.
Me: Are you and Dad planning on abducting me and holding me captive in New York against my will?
Mom: Tsss, don't be ridiculous.
Me: I'm not. Is that-- is that why you suggested I bring the cat with me? So you could hold her as a hostage?
Mom: Hmph.
Me: Are you and Dad planning on committing me to the Columbia Psych Ward when I get there? Because you cannot make me board that plane!
Mom: No, we're not planning on having you committed, how ridiculous! I'll talk to your father about the return ticket.
Oh, and for the record, at one point while arguing the importance of getting back to San Francisco for New Year's with my friends my mother said to me, "you know, it's nice that you're making new friends and all, but just remember, in high school you used to use friendships to self-medicate so just BE CAREFUL." I have no idea what she's talking about, considering I was a really lonely kid in high school, but that aside, I just started laughing when she said that. It's like she just said to me, "you are using interpersonal relationships to fill this gaping void in your life where MEDICATION should be." She asked what was so funny and I said nothing and then we said bye and I felt sad.
I just want a family full of quiet estrangements, just like everyone else has. Mine is a total madhouse.
Posted by hissycat at December 15, 2005 06:35 PM
Comments
i'll be a madhouse if you don't make it back
i'll storm the castle, swing from vines and swoop in blackhawks with my swat team to take you back
Posted by: Anonymous at December 15, 2005 07:30 PM
your mom is just trying to tell you that your medications are your REAL friends.
Posted by: am at December 16, 2005 12:39 AM
woah...well if you're at the columbia psych ward, you'll be closer to where i live. oh, debbie and joe...
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