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November 04, 2005
Strangest Brunch Spread I Ever Heard Of
There was a young man with a cello ahead of me in line at Katz's this morning who ordered half a dozen bagels. Sure. That seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Bringing some bagels to a meeting or for some musicians he was practicing with. Hey, in my high school, all the cool advisors would bring (or assign someone to bring) bagels and cream cheese to the long advisor group period on Thursdays. Totally normal!
Until you here what kind of bagels he was bringing.
Mind you, it would have been different if he'd come in with a list, or the mind-made-upness of a mental list, having taken people's requests or knowing what their preferences were. But that was not the case! His voice meandered like, oh, I guess I'll take, like he was just deciding on the spot what to grab, trying to figure out which bagels are generally well-received.
This is what he came up with:
"I'll have one jalapeno. . . One, uh, one dill cheddar. A garlic bagel. a rye bagel. And, oh, give me two blueberry bagels."
What was this man thinking? Who are these people that are going to eat a jalapeno bagel, a dill cheddar bagel, a garlic bagel, a rye bagel and two blueberry bagels. The garlic and the rye, I'll grant you, are not altogether heretical. At least the rye, if not the garlic, is, I believe, part of the standard H&H mix when one orders an unspecificied dozen or more. But you're kidding yourself if you think that the rye isn't the absolute last bagel to be eaten, overlooked like a loser kid picked last for teams in gym class. The rye bagel has to be offered to kids from less fortunate advisor groups. The rye bagel is the one that gets offered to the other teachers and then sits in the teachers' lounge next to the coffee machine until it hardens and grows things and finally the biology teacher takes it to show his class on the day he lectures about mold!
What happened to sesame? To poppy? To plain? To everything? To, yes, even, salt? Is nothing sacred anymore?
I'm not even going to get into the "dill cheddar" business.
I'm just going to assume that these were not Jew musicians and that none of them had ever been to New York. For shame!
Posted by hissycat at November 4, 2005 06:49 PM
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Comments
My parents always buy bagels by the dozen, freeze them, and defrost them each morning for breakfast.
I think people do that.
Posted by: Karin at November 6, 2005 02:21 PM
What the heart thinks the tongue speaks. Christopher.
Posted by: Christopher at October 27, 2006 02:07 PM