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September 22, 2005
Good Ole' Lovable Dave Eggers, King Of Camp
"Dave Eggers can even make freedom seem cloying and precious," says Wonkette.
This prompted byGawker's note on the eBay benefit for The First Ammendment Project in which authors are auctioning off the oportunity to see your name immortalized as the name of a character, titty bar, or alien race in the author's next book. There is a little blurb by each author describing what she or he is offering. As one would expect, there is a range of generosity and thoughtfulness on display. Among the most good-spirited and enthusiastically giving are David Brin who extends a good-natured offer to let the winner choose between "the name of a rogue moon on a collision course with a doomed planet, an exotic and gruesome disease of unknown origin, or an entire species of wise, ancient extraterrestrials;" Stephen King, who is effusive in his invitation to name a character to be devoured by zombies; John Grisham's vow to use your name for a character to be "portrayed in a good light;" Karen Joy Fowler's promise to use the winning name for a secondary character in a novel; and Rick Moody's and Brad Meltzer's promises that the name will go to characters that are not throw-aways and that appear more than once. The prima donna's are more grudging in their offers: Z.Z. Packer, Amy Tan, Michael Chabon and Ayelet Waldman promise only that the name appear "at least once;" Lemony Snickett donates but a single "utterance" off the lips of Sonny Baudelaire (although, there is something so in-character about Snickett's blurb and offer, that perhaps I should move it back to the good-natured, good-humored list); Andrew Sean Greer offers to use a part of your name on a restaurant awning; Jonathon Lethem offers to name a character in a cartoon after you (Jonny, baby, I love you, but if I was going to shell out money to have a character named after me, I'd want the character to be in one of your novels, not a comicbook. Why? Because you write really good novels and most of your fans probably love you firstly as a novelist and not as cartoonist). Well, they're still desirable offers and have fetched big wads of money.
Dave Eggers, though. Dave Eggers writes this:
The winner will be featured in a strange illustrated story I'm working on called The Journey of the Fishes Overland. The winner, or someone of her/his choosing, will be encountered by the traveling fish in question, as they travel over land. It could also be a family, a house, an address, whatever. I get to decide why the fishes see this person/place, and what's said by/to or done by/to the person/place. This story will be finished and published in the fall. The name/s have to be tasteful and be undisruptive to the narrative. I reserve the right to refuse using a name I find offensive.
As is usual with Eggers, I find myself really irritated by him without knowing exactly why. I mean, he's offering this for a very good cause , and, apparently, other people seem to find his proposition appealing as they are bidding large sums on it. I feel like a bad person for having the bad feelings about him that I have.
It's really hard to nail down what it is about Dave Eggers that really gets under my skin. I haven't read anything of his since Heartbreaking, but I rember I quite liked it back then (incedentally, I also quite liked the 'Heartbreaking Jerk of Staggering Genius' t-shirts the English Dept. gave out). He does admirable charity work for children. People whose opinions I respect seem to like him. Writers I adore and admire like him well enough to collaborate with him, or at least with his projects/ publications. You can't talk shit about him without being a petty asshat. To wit, a conversation with Nick a few weeks ago when he was in town:
Nick: . . .and I went into 826 Valencia.
Me: Hmmph. Snort. Ground Zero of the Eggers Empire.
Nick: Isn't it, like, a tutoring center for children of low-income families?
Me: Um, yeah. Yeah, it is. I know.
Nick: Aren't you into literacy skills education?
Me: Yes. Of course I am. It's just that. I don't know. Maybe it's living in San Francisco I'm just a little weary of the Eggers' cool kid club. They think they're so cool. I mean, I guess they are so cool. But I mean, they think they're so cool. I'm a little put-off by the whole cult of personality thing, especially given my impression of Eggers' personality. Also, why are all the 826s called 826? It doesn't make sense. 826 Valencia makes sense. 826 Valencia is the address of 826 Valencia. But 826 Brooklyn doesn't make sense. 826 Seattle doesn't make sense. 826 L.A., 826 Michigan, 826 Chicago. . .
Nick: Ok, ok.
Me: And how everything he touches is so, so precious.
Nick: Yeah, it's not really my style. But it seems benign. I mean, it doesn't really bother me.
Me: Maybe it's the serifs. He uses too many serifs!
Nick: I think serifs are pretty.
Me: I know. I do, too. Sigh.
Brett: Joanna, every character on your website has serifs.
See what I mean?
When I was in Seattle with Alex, we went to the Bumbershoot Festival-- not for crazy music, mind you, but to see one of our favorite stars of print and public radio, Sarah Vowell, read as part of a benefit for 826 Seattle. Vowell was astoundingly funny, Daniel Handler was sharp-witted and winning, but Dave Eggers was, well, less than luminous. During Eggers' reading, Alex played tetris on his cellphone so as to suppress his disruptive urges.
The piece Eggers read was from the perspective of a cartoon dog advising humanity to appreciate the small pleasures of life, etc. He used a voice so saccharine and affected it makes me nauseous just recalling it. Most of what he read was just dumb, not funny, and boring. A lot of writing is dumb, not funny, and boring yet does not rile me like Eggers' does. What gets my goat, in addition to affected voice, the self-satisfied smirk, is when Eggers says things like, "Dick Cheney is so evil he's cute. He is so evil he is campy and endearing." And then people laugh.
No. Please. No. Just no. Dick Cheney's evil makes him neither cute nor endearing; Dick Cheney's evil in combination with his power makes him incredeably dangerous. It makes him a harm and a threat to the world. Camp is so inapporpriate a term for Dick Cheney it makes my head spin. Camp, says Sontag, is a tender feeling, the enjoyment of what is flawed. Because it would take hours for me to write out even a marginally acceptable definition of camp, I will, instead, show by example.
Things that are camp: Pink Flamingos, Weight Watchers Cards from 1974, 1950s advertisements for washing machines, Dolly Parton, Bettie Page, The Goonies, Mary Tyler Moore, Ernest Scared Stupid, The Golden Girls, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, high-school yearbooks, baby Jesus butt plugs, Mai Tais, Barbarella, postcards of kittens playing with balls of yarn, The Village People, Arnold Shwartzenegger in Kindergarden Cop.
Things that are not camp: the Rwandan genocide, Hurricane Katrina, union busting, no-bid government contracts, Operation Rescue, cancer, Adolf Eichmann, Arnold Shwarzenegger in elected office.
I could go, but I'll spare you and get to the point. See, things that are camp have something likeable and redeeming about them, even if they are corny or flawed. They also don't kill people. So, reruns of M*A*S*H? Campy! The war in Iraq? Not Campy. RuPaul? Campy! Dick Cheney? Not campy. Really, really not campy.
I realize that Eggers probably thought he had written something charmingly campy himself. He hadn't. He had just written something crappy. And it's not that I object to making fun of serious matters. I don't object to political humor. I love Jon Stewart just as much as the next one. But Eggers isn't making a joke about Dick Cheney. Eggers is making a twee little reference to his own twee tweeness and just using Dick Cheney because, apparently, there is nothing in the world that Eggers can't use to his own self-serving psuedo-irony and cutesyness.
Whatevs, yo. Read this.
P.S. In case you needed proof that, in spite of the Snarkwatch business, Dave Eggers is the king of smarm, I give you this "favorable" review of the great Lorrie Moore's Birds of America.
Posted by hissycat at September 22, 2005 04:20 PM
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Comments
Do you have the hots for Nick McDonell? You've mentioned him a couple of times every week so far.
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I have the hots for Dave Eggers.
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So you have the hots for any male with a published work?
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You know me so well.
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Posted by: Gwyneth_Paltrow (the original impostor) at September 23, 2005 06:20 PM
i hate dave eggers b.c. he is an emo-pussy! i couldn't finish heartbreaking....it made me want to barf.
but i know what you mean -- i sorta feel bad hating him.
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