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August 26, 2005
It's 2 a.m. Do I know where I am? Yes, I Do Unfortunately.
It's 2am. I am not sleeping and I am not happy. This time,I'm not happy not in a depressive, listless way but in a why the fuckdo I do this to myself? kind of way. Yes, I'm propped up andbuzzing on Ritalin and Excedrin, desperately trying to complete alanguage arts course for third-graders because I've spent all my timeat the office this week fucking around on the Internet instead of doingmy work. Oh, and gaining .6 lbs, apparently.
Yes kids, today was a Weight Watchers Thursday. I knew this hadbeen a bad eating week. I've just gotten really slack about it,not measuring portions, underestimating my Points values, snacking toomuch, descending upon the free samples at Andronico's like an elderlyJew at a half-price buffet. Every time I go in there to get asalad, I end up hovering all sneaky-eyed over the platters of cheesecubes and coffee cake cubes and cubed pumpkin bread and miniatureslices of baguette laid out next to olive oil dips and fruitspreads. Oh man, a few days ago they had open jars of thisamazing bittersweet chocolate fudgey goop and spreadable caramel, and Ijust stood there, my basket resting on the ground beside me, makingmyself at home, spreading and mixing and eating. Then I felt kindof ashamed, as I had no intention of actually purchasing the stuff, soafter I picked up my basket, I just stood at the display, picking upjars and pointing my eyes at the prices so it would look like I wasreally thinking this one over, like I needed another sample to help meconsider, just in case the flavor had, you know, changed in the lastthirty seconds. You know what would be great? If I just gotbanned from that place. I always end up spending too much moneythere anyway on yuppie foodstuffs I can't afford.
Andronico's indiscretions aside, though, I didn't actually go over mypoints by that much. I didn't even use all of my flex points, infact. I feel cheated. I feel entitled to my thirty-fiveweekly flex points, even though I know from experience that I do notloose if I use more than half of them. I was hoping for amiracle. Or, as my meeting leader, would say, "Dreaming theImpossible Dream."
Yes, this was Persistence week, and so we were treated to a veryspecial "Man of La Mancha" revue. To, you know, inspire us? Man, I've been through the twelve-week Tools for Living (also known asthemes) cycle way too many times (I bet I can name them all:Persistence, Anchoring, Visualizing Success, Positive Self-Talking,Reframing, Planning Ahead. . . oh fuck it, it's like trying to name allseven of the dwarfs). On the sunnier side of things though, I raninto a former house mate (who shall remain nameless-- some people, itseems, don't care to be Weight Watcher's outed, though I can't imaginewhy) at my meeting today. This is the first time this hashappened to me in the two years (off and on) I've been going. Notjust the first time I've run into a familiar face, mind you, but thefirst time I've run into any face aged less than forty years.
You know what? I really need to get back to work. This shitis due at noon, and these third-graders are going to be getting somepretty zaney, tripped-out stories, hear?
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Posted by hissycat at August 26, 2005 02:34 AM
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Comments
As there's nothing else to do in this god damn city (where I know maybe one person less vapid than a goldfish) I've also been trying to lose weight and look pretty.
I'll be happy if, when I leave, I can see an ab. [I've never seen my abs, not even one--unless you count the whole abdominal bulge as a 'one-pack'.]
The eating thing sucks, and I control my intake by only buying lean cuisine. My freezer has 18 lean cuisines in it right now. Sad times.
One thing though: so you mentioned .6 lbs gained? Isn't that well below the margin of error? Seriously, I think a turd weighs less than that. Maybe you forgot to shit before the weigh-in (I hear pooping is the new vomiting).
When I go to the gym (sadly, every day) I notice I weigh almost 2 lbs more *before* doing cardio than I do after, and then once I shower I magically gain the 2lbs again. And when I poop, I'm just all over the place.
--a
ps: internet procrastination is a killer. unless you legitimately don't have any real work, deadlines, tasks, or oversight--and you have your own office. then it's good. until you run out of daily show clips to watch. then life is just useless, and you find yourself walking to the parking garage to sit in your car, stare at the steering wheel, gently weep, and then try to figure out a way to dry the teardrops from the crotch of your pants (they look like pee stains) before going back upstairs. then it sucks.
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