Hissy Cat

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August 24, 2005

My-Up-Swings-Are-A-Sane-Person's-Baseline Kind Of Way

Currently Listening Tallahassee By The Mountain Goats see related

So I've been feeling pretty blahblahblah today.  (I alsoaccomplished jack shit at the office.)  I had to pick up aprescription from my shrink today, and after she scolded me for being twenty minutes late to a thirty minute med-check appointment (I tried,I really did) I told her I wanted to start doing therapy again. She asked if it was because I was getting depressed again, and I told her that no, I wouldn't say that I was depressed, it wasn't anythingbig as a depression, but that I guessed I was feeling a little lowlately.  I didn't tell her I was a little worried that I might gooff again.  In fact, to demonstrate my competence at life, I added that it likely was just that I had been feeling so well for the past month (I don't know if this is true.  I guess it mostly is, in a really unimpressive, my-up-swings-are-a-sane-person's-baseline kind ofway) that now that I'm coming down a bit, I feel the difference. I am the daughter of two psychaitrists.  When it comes to therapy,I love to please.  In an unhealthy, my-shrink-doesn'tknow-the-half-of-it kind of way.

I don't know if I'm falling into a depression or not.  I know I'vebeen very anti-social lately (avoiding groups of people especially) anda bit more irritable than I'd like, but then even at my best, I'mfairly anti-social.  I like to spend a lot of time alone, andalso, staying home more often is obviously beneficial for mywriting.  Only I haven't been writing.  And I cried lastnight when I thought I fucked up the settings on my snazzy newcomputer.  All I want to do in the evenings is stay in, alone, andread novels.  Which may not be good a sign.  I'm usuallyhappy to be home reading novels however I'm feeling, but there havebeen times when I've been majorly depressed and I wouldn't leave myroom all day, not for class or meals or anything, and just sleep andread novel after novel, it was all I could do.  We'll wait and see.

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Posted by hissycat at August 24, 2005 06:11 PM

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