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August 29, 2005

Everyone's Favorite Day of The Week

Currently Listening Van Lear Rose By Loretta Lynn see related

I�m back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon as of yesterdayafternoon.  After weighing in on Thursday and discovering I�dgained .6 lbs (which, all things I ate considered, really isn't so sobad), I fell into a little fuck-it-all funk and ate myself silly. Yesterday was better.  I even made soup.  I made split-peasoup from one of those little Manishevitz sleeves of dried beans andseasoning.  I thought I remembered eating that stuff as a child,but now I�m thinking that perhaps I remember is just seeing the stuff as a child.  As I discovered yesterday, that stuffsmells like total ass.  I didn't even taste it.  I couldn�tbring the spoon that close to my nose.  When Brett came over, Itold him about the soup.  �Oh, that�s that smell,� he said. �I didn�t want to say anything.�

Over the past two years, I�ve switched meetings quite a bit.  Inthe spring, before I fell off it again, I started going to Tuesdaymeetings.  Fine.  That was where I met �Barbara� for thefirst time.  Barbara is a middle-aged blonde woman who wearsmono hued outfits and uses a very intense-looking motorizedwheel-chair.  Her blue eyes are crossed and unfocused and sheconstantly chews gum.  

The first interaction I ever had with her began when I showed up, Idon�t know, maybe ten minutes early for the meeting that was wassoon to become The Strangest Weight Watchers Meeting I Have Ever Been To Ever (the topic was emotional eating and people were suggestingalernate ways to cope with stress.  One woman recommended to pet acat.  And the meeting leader bursts into tears.  �My cat hasbeen missing for a week,� she explained.  �She�s eleven years old,and my nephew  came by with his dog and the cat ran out thedoor.  I�ve had the cat since she was born.  She was born inmy mother�s garage.  My dead mother�s garage.  I�m justbeside myself.  I told myself I wouldn�t cry, I�m sorry.� Some one then volunteered a story about how her daughter�s Spaniel hadrun away and was feared dead.  At this, a small, older woman witha thick Eastern European accent burst into tears.  �I lost my dog,too,� she said.  �You mean it ran away?� asked the leader. �No, I�she�I�� �You mean she passed on?�  The woman, no longerable to speak, nodded yes.  �Recently?� some one asked. �Four months ago,� the babushka replied.  �Such a good dog. I cry, I miss her every night.�).  I was reading a book whilethe Watchers weighed in.  Barbara, who was sittingacross the aisle from me pointed her eyes in my direction andintroduced herself.

�Hi, I�m Barbara,� said Barbara.  �What�s your name?�

�Oh, I�m Joanna.  Hi,� I said.

�Joanna, how long have you been coming here?�

�Um, about a year and a half,� I said.  �Off and on.�

�Joanna, you don�t look like you need to come here.�

�Oh, um, er, thanks?  I mean, thank you, but I�ve been doing Weight Watchers for a long time.�

�Joanna, you are a beautiful woman, Joanna.�

���

�Joanna, what do you do, Joanna?�

�I�m a  student.�

�Joanna, what do you study?�

�Well, I�m an English major.  Undergraduate.�

�Joanna, where do you go to school?�

�I go to Stanford.�

�Joanna, that�s great.�

���

�Joanna, you must be very smart.�

�Oh, um, no, not really.�

�Joanna, yes, they don�t let dummies in there.�

�I don�t know.�

�Joanna, I wish I could be in school.�

�Joanna, I loved college.�

�Joanna, I could never do that.�

�Joanna, I have MS.�

Another woman sat down in the row in front of me and Barbara�sattention shifted to her.  �Hi, I�m Barbara,� said Barbara. �What�s your name?�  �Nice to meet you Barbara.  I�mElla.�  �Ella, you are a beautiful woman.�

Barbara sounds exactly like this alcoholic family friend.  I usedto be friends with The Alcoholic�s son.  My mom isfriends with The Alcoholic, and every time I�m in New York and I runinto her or pick up the telephone and it�s she, I end up havingconversations with the alcoholic that sound exactly like the one I hadwith Barbara, and I mean exactly.  Their voices both have thisstrange, flat, floaty quality and they repeat names a lot, at thebeginning of nearly every sentence, so that you get the strange feelingthat your name is being tugged down as someone latches onto it forgrounding and support.  A few years ago, Lindsay, who is my oldestchildhoodfriends and who was once also friendly with The Alcoholic�s son, wasover at my house when The Alcoholic dropped by.  Linds walked intothe kitchen to get a glass of water and she had her shirt rolled up sothe hem sat a few inches below her breasts�we had just come down fromsun-tanning on the roof�and The Alcoholic was there.  TheAlcoholic questioned Lindsay for a while in the manner demonstratedabove.  Then, as Lindsay was trying to get closer to the door, TheAlcoholic stepped in front of her.  �Lindsay you look so good!�said The Alcoholic.  �But,� she added, �you should do somethingabout this.�  She pointed at Lindsay�s exposed stomach. Lindsay says she assumed that the alcoholic was just referreringto the fact that her navel was exposed and that The Alcoholic, as anolderperson, found that tasteless, so Lin explained we�d just beensunbathing and rolled her shirt down.  �No,� The Alcoholicsaid.  �I mean you should really do something about that fat.�

Now I'm going to meetings on Thursdays  It�s not the same leader from Tuesday (whosecat, it so happens, returned by the following week�s meeting, at whichthis announcement was met with jubilant applause, followed by a anuncomfortable, guilty silence as the Soviet Bloc started to tear upagain), but guess what?  Barbara is now going on Thursdays, too.  I�m alwayslate, so I haven�t had anymore tete-a-tetes with her, though I�venot been lacking for painfully uncomfortable interactions.

Last week, the topic was fast food and how to make the occasional fastfood meal work with The Plan.  The leader passed around a coupleof WW Dining Out Companion books for people to look up their favoritefast food foods.  Some one asked about Jamba Juice, someone saidsomething and then the topic moved on.  About three minutes later,Barbara pipes up.  �Did someone say Jamba Juice?" saysBarbara.  Jamba Juice is myfavorite.�

�I love Jamba Juice,� says Barbara.  �I wish I could have aJamba Juice.  But my caretaker won�t take me there.  Yeah, Ilove Jamba Juice, but she won't take me there.�  No one know whatto say.   �Ok,� says the leader after silence, �let�s look upthe points valueof a Jamba Juice.  Julie, why don�tyou help Barbara look up Jamba Juice.�  So Julie does.  Shereads some points value and we all pretend that we don�t hear thethings Barbara actually says.

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Posted by hissycat at August 29, 2005 09:20 AM

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